Worry. Fear. Anxiety.

This last Sunday our good friend from church and small group member Zach O'Neel blessed us with an amazing and passionate sermon. Zach is the type of person who doesn't have to say a whole lot to let people know what his life is about. He has come from a world of hurt and addiction but praise the Lord he came out on top. He has clung to God's word and is an amazing example to all of us what it looks like to live a life that is centered on the Gospel. His sermon on Sunday touched on a topic I have struggled with most of my life. 

Worry. Fear. Anxiety. 

Zach talked about what it looks like to be content in Christ no matter the situation we are given - a great reminder, however when anxiety has been a part of your life for so long, sometimes it is easier said than done. 

I have struggled with anxiety for about 9 years. It started when I was in high-school but we'll save that story for a different day. The events that have led to this way of living have caused me to loose site of what God wants for me. As I have been learning more about spiritual warfare it has become more and more apparent that I'm not in this battle alone... 

The enemy WANTS me to worry! He keeps my mind preoccupied with worries about health, accidents, worst case scenarios, work, sudden disasters, relationships and anything else he can sneak in there to keep my eyes from where they need to be. He WANTS me to be anxious and he WANTS me to doubt the goodness of God. But unfortunately for him, this is NOT what God wants for me! And God ALWAYS wins! 

One of the first verses Steve had me memorize was Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with your wherever you go." 

Again, God's word is SO clear, it tells me exactly what I need to do. So why is it so hard!? It's scary how easy I allow my situations and thoughts to start traveling down the wrong path. One minute I think I'm in control, but slowly without even noticing, worry starts to weave its way into my thoughts, making me wonder how I'm going to do it all.

Exhaustion leads to physical and mental drainage meaning my faith gets drained too which then leads me to a place of self doubt. I begin to question my ability to manage my life and doubt my ability to hear God clearly or fulfill all the roles I assumed He wanted me to do.

As I read today, I came across this devotional: 

Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you." 1 Peter 5:7 (NLT)

In the bible, Martha too questioned God's care for her.

Martha's sister Mary had left her in the kitchen to do all the work while Mary sat in another room listening to Jesus. 

The Bible tells us, "She came to him and asked, 'Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!'" (Luke 10:40b NIV) 

Listen to how Jesus responded: "'Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her'" (v. 41-42 NIV). 

In that moment, Jesus showed Martha just how much He cared. Not just about how hard she was working, but about the rest He knew she needed. Instead of giving her what she demanded, Jesus showed Martha what she needed and the choice she could make to receive it. 

Jesus helped Martha see that Mary hadn't abandoned her to do the work by herself. Instead, Mary chose to walk away from distractions and preparations so she could take hold of something that couldn't be taken away from her. 

It was the one thing that would last even after Jesus was gone: time with Him resting in His presence, soaking in His perspective, and listening to His promises.

1 Peter 5:7 says to "Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you."

As I read this verse and Martha's story, I saw the difference between what God offers and what I had been doing. I was carrying the heavy weight of my concerns but Jesus had invited me to come to Him and cast my cares upon Him, so that He could care for me.

When I do all the talking and instructing, God doesn't have a chance. Instead of telling Him what I needed, He showed me how to say, "Lord, this is what's on my mind. This is what I'm worried about." And then stop and ask, "But Lord, what is going on in my heart? What are Your thoughts about this situation? What do I need and what should I do?"

As I'm learning to give my concerns to God, my heart is growing more confident in knowing just how much He cares about me. With this new approach, my burdens are lighter and my heart is too.

PUT GOD FIRST!

So what does putting God first in your marriage mean to you? Here is a list of things you can do today to start putting God first in your marriage: (I wish i could take credit for this list, but I didn't write it!)

1. Pray together.

Pray about your marriage, pray about your children, pray about your finances, pray about any decisions you make together. I have a friend who told me they were going to buy a car. They went to the car place and before they left the told the salesman they would not be buying anything until they went home and prayed about it together. I can only imagine the salesman’s face. They went home, prayed about it, and went back to buy the car the next day. Now that is putting God first in your marriage and family.

2. Read the Bible/Do Devotions together.

Pick a devotional either one about marriage or just one that you and your husband would both enjoy and take turns reading out loud to each other every day or even every night before bed. Take time each day to talk to each other about what you learned in your personal devotions that day. Be accountable to each other. You will find that it’s easier to do when you know someone is going to be asking you about it and this is a great way to grow together in the Lord.

3. Go to church together.

Not just going to church together, but agreeing on a church together. When we first moved to Georgia, we tried many different churches. Sometimes we were in agreement on the one that we tried, and sometimes we weren’t. We were determined to find one that we both liked and felt the Lord was leading us to. Even though it took several months, we are now apart of a great church that we both love, and know that it is the place God had for us all along.

4. Serve in a ministry together. 

Find a ministry at your church that you can do together. Serving together = growing together.

5. Pray for each other. 

I know we already talked about praying together, but what about praying for each other separately? Your husband needs your prayers all day long, and it is our jobs as wives to keep him in prayer during the day. I’m not talking about being on your knees 24/7, but lifting him up in prayer as you think about him or talk to him during the day. Stormie Omartian’s Power of a Praying Wife is a great place to start!

6. Put each other first.

What better way to put Christ first in your marriage then by following his example of being selfless? Sometimes it’s hard to put our husbands first because we want what wewant. But if we love him, then we will want to do the right thing, we will want to think of him before ourselves. If we make it a practice to put our husbands first before ourselves each day, I believe that we will have a better marriage because of it.

Marriage can be hard.. and that's ok

It’s crazy to think Steve and I have almost been married 2 years already! It has been a wonderful, challenging and exciting journey thus far! Though there will always be obstacles to overcome, I am thankful I get to experience this obstacle course we call life with my best friend and the partner God has created for me. 

We are blessed with great family and amazing friends to encourage us along the way and we feel beyond blessed to be involved with a great church with the privilege of being in a small group with a handful of amazing friends. 

Marriage is amazing, wonderful, and God created. However, in reality, marriage can be incredibly hard even if you have found the perfect match. (And the one I snatched is pretty darn great!) It takes a lot to meld two lives—two different personalities, from two different backgrounds, equipped with entirely different ways of dealing with conflict. So without further adieu, here are a list of things that make marriage hard (but worth it!).

1. Overcoming Expectations Based on Family Experience. The relationships you observed and experienced your whole life in your own family are likely very different from what your soon-to-be spouse experienced. While Steve and I seemingly come from similar family structures with strong foundations and strong marital influences, there are a million things that make our families significantly different, and those roots shaped us individually.

2. Settling into Roles. Getting comfortable and settling into roles is GREAT with the roles that work for you as a couple. He is the morning bird who is up before the sun making lunches while I get a few more minutes of sleep. I walk the line of pessimism while he (the diehard optimist) helps me see the silver lining.

However, settling into roles can be disappointing if certain roles leave one or both partners wanting. She needs to vent; he thinks problems feel smaller if you don’t dwell on them. She wants more sharing of household work; he is spent from working all day! Once roles become comfortable and familiar, it can take superhuman effort to change. (And if one spouse isn’t interested in changing, that is another ballgame altogether.)

3. Forming Habits. I had an inkling about this beforehand, but I’ve learned that even the smallest of your spouse’s habits can get under your skin and fester if you let it. Marriage is as much about choosing what habits you can live with as it is choosing which habits to ask your spouse to work on. (And of course, we can’t forget confronting ourselves about our own habits!)

4. Keeping Marriage Private vs. Needing a Sounding Board. I was cautioned to keep marriage matters private. I heard things like, “If you complain about your spouse to your friends or your mom, they’ll think less of him, and you don’t want that.” And, “If you want to build your husband up, you should never say anything bad about him.” There is truth in these statements: Of course I want to build my husband up! And of course I don’t want my friends or my mom to dislike him! BUT.. sometimes I need to talk about my problems!! And while Steve and I can talk through just about anything, sometimes, it’s just not healthy to talk about everything with him. Luckily, I have been able to develop some awesome deep and meaningful friendships with a few close friends. With these ladies, I am able to not only talk about things I’m struggling with, but I am also able to help guide and encourage them as well! It’s a win-win! 

Sometimes it’s easy to feel alone while you sit around brainwashing yourself to think that you must be doing something wrong and that nobody else is facing the same dilemmas as you are. But having a solid group of friends to turn to in times like this helps to give understanding and encouragement to any situation. You’ll soon find that you are normal! Totally imperfect, but normal! I know it’s hard to find friends like this, but when you do, don’t ever let them go!  You’ll feel so much lighter knowing you are not alone in your marital struggles. 

5. Accepting that Love Changes with Time. Although we have only been married for close to 2 years, I love my husband differently—more deeply—than the day we were married because we have been through some highs and lows together. We have gone to sleep unhappy and trudged through days feeling unconnected. But we forgive and reconnect and love each other more. It’s not the shinny-new-penny type of love and euphoria that we shared on our wedding day or when we were just dating, and I admit that every now and then I miss that! But it is a richer love, because it is based on more shared experience than it was the day we said “I do.” 

6. Last but not least! God created marriage.. therefore, marriage should not be done without him!  I believe when we put God first in our marriage then everything else will fall into place, including other priorities in our marriage. When we put God first in our marriage we are more willing and able to be selfless, kind, and patient. It gives us a better marriage, and helps us to become more like Him.

Putting God first in my marriage means praying together, reading God’s word together and going to church together. It means that we pray about our finances and any decisions that need to be made before we make them. It means being selfless, because Christ was selfless when he died on the cross for us. Now I will admit Steve and I do not do these things all the time. I wish we did, but we are not perfect. I believe it is something we need to strive for.

Hi friends! We know it's been awhile (doesn't every blog start like that?) But we are happy to say life is great! We have settled into our new home, as much as we can of course, budgeting a little each month to do some minor fixes here and there. It feels like home and we love it.

While our home is not huge, one of our biggest desires was to have enough room to be able to have lots of our friends over. Last weekend was our first go at a larger party. And I must say, it was a success! If we didn't have to use nearly our entire 'house' budget for the month to throw the party, I'd do it every month! We threw a wine and cheese party with 15 of our wonderful friends. It was certainly a night full of laughter, conversation and fun. Each couple was asked to bring a bottle of wine and a cheese to pair with it... it was a beautiful thing. :)